148

The title of this post is my current weight. I can not believe I have let my body get to this point. For me, being only 5 feet tall, 148 lbs is a large number. I think the last time I was this heavy, I was 7 months pregnant. That is depressing, in and of itself. So over and over, I recommit to getting in shape, only to fail miserably. I lose a few pounds and then gain back even more. I know this happens to so many people that try to lose weight. So I have been thinking a lot lately about why I am in this cycle, and how I can break free of it.

I have struggled with depression since I was a young teenager. At least, I'm pretty sure that's when it all started. I didn't actually start treatment and medication until I was nineteen. Since then, I have been on and off different anti-depressants. I wasn't on any medication when I was pregnant with my last baby. But soon after her birth, I realized that an episode of postpartum depression was flaring up. At first, my doctor prescribed a medicine that was safe for breastfeeding. When that didn't make me feel better, I stopped breastfeeding and started a different medicine. I was basically on that one for the last year and a half. It seemed to work fine at first. I was getting along pretty well and functioning for the most part. But over the last few months, I noticed a decrease in my motivation and energy. I was irritable with my kids and needed a nap every day just to get by. I was hiding out in my house all day and avoiding social interaction. The only thing I looked forward to each day was eating. I was slipping back into a dark place that almost had me fooled into thinking was normal. I was getting to the point where I wasn't sure what I was supposed to feel like. I started to question if I had ever felt "normal"? But I knew that however I was feeling, it wasn't healthy. Something was very wrong.

So I took a hard look at the way I was feeling. And I read some information about my medication that had me wondering if it was partially responsible. Could it actually be making me feel worse? My doctor confirmed that, in fact, this particular anti-depressant was documented to sometimes cause tiredness, weight gain, and other unpleasant side effects. He suggested a newer anti-depressant that is said to have none of those side effects, and help manage the depression even better. So I said, sign me up! He also said I could switch directly over to the new medicine without weaning myself off the other first. This was great news. I took my first pill about six mornings ago. I felt the difference almost immediately. My head started to clear and I didn't feel so tired and distracted. I even had the energy to do a really hard yoga routine on Friday. I feel better mentally, but now I am having strange physical symptoms, which I believe is a withdrawal from my previous medication. I have been feeling lightheaded, dizzy, and nauseated for several days. It looks like I will have to wait until the other medicine clears out of my system before I can really get a sense of how I am feeling. Then I should be on the road to recovery and weight loss.

I am hopeful for this new year. I really believe that once my withdrawal symptoms pass, I will be feeling so much better on the new medication. So I am setting a long term goal now to lose 38 lbs this year. I am aiming to be at my goal weight of 110 lbs for my birthday on September 5th. That's almost nine months of exercising and keeping a journal of all the food I put in my mouth. I know it will be SO hard, but SO worth it. I am picturing myself wearing my size 6 jeans this fall, and bursting with joy! Here's hoping I can kick the cravings and stick to a good exercise routine this year! I refuse to let depression define my life for another day!

Ugh!

I'm already behind on my running schedule! I got my "week 1, day 2" run done on Thursday. It went really well. But then I was supposed to do "week 1, day 3" on Saturday. But I was basically out of the house all day and couldn't squeeze it in anywhere. Boo! On the upside, I got to go to a stained glass store to buy some new glass :), see a movie with some girlfriends and go out to dinner. So, I had a lot of fun, but ate way too much, and didn't exercise at all yesterday! Here's hoping this week goes better. I guess I can still do my "day 3" run tomorrow? Then I'll start the new week on Wednesday. I just remembered, Thanksgiving is this week...this could get ugly...

Sore knees

I had planned on walking/jogging for 20 minutes on my treadmill, but my knees are sore.  I hope that I'm not going to have to just walk forever.  I really would like to get into running seriously.  I will need to take it a lot slower than I would like, I think, and hopefully my knees will become accustomed to this whole process again.

It rains here, too...

It seems my mom and I were both rained out the last couple of days. Yesterday (Wednesday) was supposed to be my second run for the first week of C25K. Unfortunately, it poured all day, and there was a tornado warning in effect for most of the afternoon. I don't have a treadmill as a backup, so I'm out of luck if the weather is bad...unless I want to run circles around my living room. Nah. I decided it was better not to run yesterday anyway, because I did Zumba on Tuesday night, and it was really intense. My legs were sore and really needed the break. So, my plan is to run this afternoon, seeing as the rain finally stopped. It's a little cooler outside than it has been, so I'll bundle Miss Alivia up and take her in the stroller. Maybe my boys will even want to ride along on their bikes. It's always fun exercising with my family. So this will be my Week One, Day Two. I'll try to squeeze in my third run on Saturday. I can do it!

Rainy day, no surprise there!

It's raining today and we're expecting high winds and snow levels are dropping to 900 feet.  Our home is at 440 feet above sea level, so I don't expect we'll get any snow here.

Well, it was back to the treadmill today. It is a manual one and I set the incline at about a 5% grade. I walked for 30 min. at about 3.0 mph. I also did my 15 minute morning Yoga routine and a beginners Pilates program for 30 minutes.  I've been keeping track of WW Points Plus for 3 weeks now, but seem to be stuck in my weight loss.  I'll keep it up though, the weight is bound to shake loose soon.  Maybe exercising has something to do with the scale not moving.  I'll have to keep track of inches lost too.

Neat website

Hi Beck, and all,
I've discovered a neat little website that has a weight chart, diary, tips, and other little things to help with weight loss.  Here is the link.

Actually going outside to run

Well, after complaining about the rainy weather and using that as an excuse to use my treadmill, I actually went outside to run today.  It wasn't raining but it was only 45 degrees.  I warmed up enough as I had a couple of layers on.  I walked briskly for 5 minutes and then I alternated jogging for 90 seconds and running for about 2 minutes.  I did 4 reps of that.  I fizzled out at about 70 seconds running the last time, as I was going up a slight hill. I finished by just walking to cool down before coming in. But I feel great and will take a day off too of running, though I might walk.  I also did some easy toning exercises from one of my old WW DVDs.  It is designed for everyone, which means its really easy.  I think I'll increase the hand weights next time I do it.  Probably not for a few weeks, as I have a lot of DVDs and exercise videos to cycle through.  It's good to mix it up and not do the same things over and over again.